Sunday, February 12, 2012

Honesty is always the best policy

As foster/adoptive parents, we will be required to adhere to the agencies rules. Since we both have the same goal; keeping the children healthy and safe, I don't see this being a problem. Most of the time, I don't see this being a problem. I do, however know from the get-go, there will be disagreements in values, judgements, and decisions.

This won't be on purpose. It's just natural that we wouldn't all be on the same page about everything. So far, we've been coming along swimmingly. The agency by now is very aware of where we are at, religiously, financially, mentally, physically. And so far, they haven't made any beefs with it.

We did get our first "red flag" (for lack of a better phrase) the other day during my last interview. Angela, our social worker was concerned with our Christmas traditions. Specifically, our not raising our kids to believe in Santa Claus. (I know, I know. Most people are now screaming to themselves "what kind of monsters don't let their kids believe in Santa Claus?") Out of four kids, we "did Santa" with the oldest one. She now refers to that time in her life as "the only lie my parents ever told me".

Although no one wants to think they lie to their kids, the fact is telling your kids there is a Santa that comes into your house to bring gifts is not true. As much as I didn't like being rebuked by my own kid, I had decided that I didn't want anymore kids telling me I'm a liar.....especially since in our house lying is a punishable offense.

My kids are very aware that others do celebrate with Santa and although people have told me "they better not ruin it for other kids", my children are very graceful about it and politely say only "santa doesn't come to our house".

Since the agency promotes a Secret Santa program at Christmas time and they do encourage the kids to believe in Santa, they were very anxious to know how we would handle a "Santa fan" if they were placed in our house. I don't like the idea of intentionally letting them think something I know isn't true but I'm also the last person to tell a child, who has spent most of their life in chaos that they are being lied to.

I told Angela that we would not have Santa in our house. If we have a believer, I will tell them that Santa doesn't come to our house and that we buy gifts for each other because we love to give. The agency will have gifts for them "from Santa". Any questions of the validity of a Santa will be directed to the agency.

Angela seemed alright with my response. I assume that it won't jeopardize our chances of having kids that believe in it placed with us. But I also recognize that they may feel a child would be better off in a place that promotes Santa. If it came down to them saying "this child has no place else to go, but we need you to say there's a Santa", we will absolutely not agree. We will always do what's best for the kids, we will sacrifice anything for them. But we will not sacrifice our values. We cannot be dishonest even if it seems to be "for a good reason". We've drawn our line in the sand, have been completely open about everything we stand for and believe in, and have left the rest in the hands of the agency. We pray that everything will happen God's way, in His time, and for His glory......not Santa's.

1 comment:

John J said...